On Control & Choices

I am starting to have peace inside me. For so long, my anxiety has spun and spun and ran off with itself. Events occurred in my life that were completely overwhelming, and quite honestly, I was totally not prepared for. I always thought that I was very level-headed, and not a control-freak. In some ways that is right, and in many it is very wrong.

See, I have worked diligently hard to ensure that my life is peaceful and successful. I mean, heart and soul hard. Not saying that I am perfect by any stretch of the imagination, but truly, I always tried to do the right thing.

I wanted a college degree. Got it. I wanted a good job. Got it. I wanted a husband. Got him. I wanted a house. Got it. I wanted a baby. Got her.

Every event of my past was leading up to what I wanted most: family and happiness.

This was my destiny.

I got my degree so I could have a good job so I can support and be a good role model for my family.

I tried to make the absolute best choice in my mate so we could be strong for my family.

While family is still my number ONE, there have been several setbacks to my plan.

Inside my entire being I want my family they way I want it.

Period. Dot.

That means no marital trouble. That means a good paying job. That means doing what we want financially when we want it.

What I didn’t plan for was severe marital issues to overcome, loss of job, increasing debt: change.

Fact of the matter – people will change and jobs will change and finances will change. The world will continually change.

What remains the same is my heart, joy and happiness in any event life throws at me.

It’s hard to understand and grasp that I am really not in control at all. Not even a little bit of the weather, sickness, job security, future, or other people.

I am in control though, of my reactions and choices.

I choose to be happy. I choose joy. I choose to enjoy.


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