I have spent 30 years living a life of ambition. I fell into the consumerism trap, the popularity contest, the busyness trend. It’s true that I was very successful at competition and being cool. The main problem I have with this concept is that it has left me lying on the floor, absolutely empty and miserable.
I am currently able to live simply because I was laid off from my job a few months ago. As crazy as it sounds, it was such a blessing to me. I have been lusting after a simple life for years, but never had the courage to quit my job and do what I want. Debt, mortgage, lifestyle all stood in my way. Since I was laid off my days have slowed. I have had time to actually think. I have snuggled my baby girl all day and my heart is full.
Currently, I have been thinking a lot about just letting go. It’s such an easy concept but so incredibly hard to do. The weight of regret, fear, grudge, anger, resentment all are so heavy on me right now and I want those feelings to lift.
Here is why I want to live a full life and let go of that negativity:
1. I want my life to feel light. I want my heart to be full of love. My breath needs to be long, slow, and airy. Not stuffy like it has been for so long. My eyes need to be bright and rested. My bones need sleep. The to-do list needs to be suspended indefinitely. I want these things. I don’t want more stuff. I want to feel light on this earth.
2. I want to enjoy the daily activities like cooking, cleaning, and relaxing. There was a time just a few short months ago that these basic activities pushed me over the edge. I felt guilty about relaxing because there was just so much to do after a long day of work that I didn’t have it in me. When I can let go of the rush against time and let go of the concept that I have to do it all, I can actually enjoy cooking. I can enjoy cleaning. I realize that time is not against me and I am in control.
3. I do not want the feeling of exhaustion to rule my life. When I was churning out hour after hour at the office, losing hours of sleep for cleaning house late into the night, being angry at everyone and everything, I was exhausted. Now that I have time to fill my days with things I enjoy, exhaustion is no longer my enemy.
I do not want to be exhausted. I want to enjoy my life. I do not want anger and resentment to ruin my heart. I want to be light and free. I want room in my life to do things that make me happy. Trying to beat the clock or striving to be perfect is not allowing me to be happy. In fact, it is destroying me.
I will not let it. I will let go of the negativity. I will let go of time. I will let go of resentment. I will claim my life back. The only way to do this is to let go and live simply. Enjoy the small moments. Take a second to take a breath. Be healthy. Live light. Laugh. Life is not that serious. I want the heaviness gone!